Reach for the Summitt
 

      This was posted to the Soccer-L-coach mailing list by Jon Unger of Madeira Boys Varsity in Cincinnati, Ohio.  I think most of us can identify with it as both parents and coaches.  Thought you might enjoy it.

         Hi, group.  I am reading Pat Summitt's excellent book on coaching philosophy REACH FOR THE SUMMIT (Pat Summitt is the head basketball coach at the University of Tennessee and is considered to be the best women's college basketball coach - and possibly the best college basketball coach period).  She has an interesting story about herself as a soccer Mom:
        "Tyler (her son) plays a little baseball, and he plays soccer. That's right.  I'm a soccer Mom. Now, there are few things more potentially disharmonious than a parent who doesn't understand his or her proper role in the team concept.  Parents who think their daughter should be playing more or that they know more about how to coach her than I do.  I ask them to trust me and let me do the coaching. I ask for their support in making a cohesive unit out of our players.   When I discipline or bench a player, our parents must understand that I have to do what I think is best for all.  Their proper role on our team is to support their daughter and our team. But when Tyler came along, Mickie and Holly got these knowing looks on their faces.  They said 'Just wait until Tyler starts playing sports, and we'll see how you act.'
         I said 'I'm not going act like some Little League parent.  I'm not going to do it.'  But that was before I went to his first soccer match. As Tyler ran on to the field that day, I was so proud of him.   He looked adorable in his shorts and his new socks and his cleats.  Then the game got underway.  Now, I don't know a lot about soccer.  But as the game progresssed, I
couldn't help being a little disappointed because Tyler was hanging back.
He wasn't aggressive.  It seemed like a lot of those kids were playing harder than he was.  Some of them were really out front, running toward the goal and kicking up a storm.  From where I stood, Tyler was being awfully passive.  As the game went on, I started worrying about it.
         Finally, there was a time-out, and Tyler's coach substituted for him.  Tyler came jogging over to the sideline, and the first thing he did, naturally, was look me right in the eye expectantly.  He said, 'Mom, how'd I do?'
He wanted my approval.  I knew that how I reacted was so important.  I could influence his self-esteem for life, right then and there.  So I said, 'Son, you did great. You did just great.'
         He stood next to me, watching the game.   Boy, I was really
struggling not to say anything more to him.  After a minute, finally, I couldn't stand it.  I put my hand on his shoulder, and I leaned down, and I said, "But you could be more aggressive!  You didn't kick the ball.  Get in there! Be competitive!  Be aggressive!'  Tyler looked back at me with his big, somber eyes, and said, 'Okay.'
         When he went back into the game, I was one proud mother.  He kicked the ball.  He ran so hard, he knocked people down.   He was AGGRESSIVE.  Boy, did I puff up.  I was pretty full of myself, thinking, THAT'S MY BOY.
Well, at halftime the coach went over and talked to Tyler.  Afterward Tyler walked back toward me.  I could tell from his body language that something was wrong.   He scuffed along, his head hanging down.  I said, 'What's the matter?'
        Tyler said, 'Mom, I'm so confused.'
         'Why?' I said.
        He said, 'Well, you told me to get in there and kick the ball and be aggressive.  But my coach told me to be back on defense and protect the goal.'  I went pale.  'What do I do?' he asked me.  'Son,' I said, 'you do EXACTLY what your coach tells you to do.'

  Web Administrator    Ken Gamble