The TYPICAL SOFTBALL
UMPIRE (TSU):
(Two differing
opinions)
A) BigBlue49 basically
wrote: The TSU tries to be prepared - know the rules, have a clean &
pressed uniform, shined shoes, hustles, but most of all, tries his/her
best to give the players, coaches, parents & fans the best game they
can on any particular day.
B) John T. responds: The
TSU calls two whoppers and large fries a snack. Shows up one minute before
game time, read the rulebook back when they were a trainee, washes their
uniform twice a month whether it needs it or not, tucks their shirt in if
physically possible, assumes their shoes are shined because when standing
up can not see them, calls close plays at second from behind home plate,
but most of all tries his/her best to get the game over ... if in doubt
... it's an OUT!
The TSU must rely
on sharp human senses and superior judgment to:
A) make close calls in a
split-second.
B) decide what's in the
brown bag that was left on the bench after a game, and whether or not it
is still safe for consumption.
According to
coaches and parents, the TSU may/must have some deteriorated senses that
lead to bad calls. From my experience, and this is far from a scientific
study, sight is the first sense that we humans lose. Because when an ump
obviously MUST BE BLIND to make the call that he did, he hears every word
that I mumbled under-my-breath from across the infield.
According to the
pitchers parents, the TSU can ruin any promising young pitcher:
When the pitcher throws
one ball in the dirt, five feet in front of the plate, and the next ball
off the backstop ... it is because the UMP has an inconsistent strike
zone, and she (the pitcher) is having trouble zeroing in on it!
When after four
consecutive walks, and nine total in two innings .. the coach finally
yanks the young pitcher ... the pitcher's parents realize that if the UMP
had given her that one close strike ... she would have mowed down the
side! Of course, the other team was screaming at the UMP about the six
questionable strikes he gave her.
Before every pitch, the
pitchers parents hope:
A) the opposing hitter
won't hit a shot over the left fielder's head.
B) their daughter will
fire a strike past the batter.
C) the batter will foul
tip a ball off an exposed area of the UMP's skin.
The TSU:
A) is Consistent.
B) creates a new strike
zone at the beginning of every inning.
The TSU:
A) is the first person
on the field to break a sweat!
B) broke a sweat back in
1983.
The TSU spends most of
the off-season:
A) In a strict physical
training program so that they can stay at the top of their profession for
many years to come.
B) Drinking beer and
eating pork rinds.
The TSU:
A) Takes charge of the
game, and keeps everything running in a consistent, timely, safe and
orderly manner. After the game, you can't remember who he was!
B) Loses control of the
game during pre-game instructions, is intimidated by over-zealous coaches
and parents, doesn't see bats laying in foul territory, turns any game
into a three ring circus. After the game, and after the arguing stops, you
wouldn't recognize him ... except for the red-jacket and top hat.
C) Takes charge of
everything, who, what, where, when and how! The field, the dug-out, the
stands, the concession stand, the league, the tournament, the parking lot.
His power is limited to his line of site! The Gestapo of Umpiring! After
the game, you scurry to the rulebook, sec. 4 rule 2.13/9-2 [application]
(B) "If in the judgment of the umpire ... traffic on streets adjacent
to the park ... the umpire shall detour traffic to other thoroughfares.
Concerning the TSU,
BigBlue49 wrote:
<IMHO [in my humble
opinion] the one "common bond" here has been the game
< of softball. If we didn't LOVE IT, we wouldn't be a part of it! All
of us have/will make
<some sort of "sacrifice" to be a part of the game. Those
"outside" of the
<game of softball will never know the joy & sorrow we experience.
John T. responds:
IMHO the one
"common bond" for ALL (most) sports officials is: MONEY. It may
not be mucho dinero, but I don't know an UMP that loves the game enough,
to come out and do it for free! LETS FACE FACTS: if we went to all
volunteer umpires, you and your umpire brethren would give up "PLAY
BALL" for "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order
please!" ... That is if they could find pants to fit all of you!! :)
The TSU comes to the
game with:
A) Face mask, shin
guards, chest protector, ball-bag and clicker.
B) A chip on his
shoulders, zero patience, a holier than thou attitude, and enough money to
pick-up a large pizza on the way home..
Through the course of
his/her umpiring career, the TSU:
A) gains experience, and
gets better every year.
B) gains weight, and gets
bigger every year.
In all seriousness:
The Typical Softball
Umpire does a pretty decent job. Just like there are good and bad coaches,
parents and players ... we must suffer through that occasional UMP that is
probably not good at his day job either. Good UMPS often make a part-time
career of it, bad UMPS get tired of the criticism and crap ... and move
onto basketball where they really stink!
Every UMP and Umpire
Association sets their own standards, you can (usually) tell by how they
look when they walk onto the field. If you are a new UMP or a bad UMP, at
least look good, maybe you'll fool some people. Look bad, poor mechanics,
poor judgment = kill the ump!
Hey UMPS ... YOU ARE
GETTING PAID ... and we are the one's paying you!
You are entitled to pay,
and you earn every penny. I wouldn't come ref your kids basketball game
for FREE either. But let's not quibble ... you may love the game and you
probably have been a coach or a player ... but when that check doesn't
come - neither will you! You are not volunteers and we are not required to
thank you ... you've cashed the check! (We may thank you if we appreciate
the job that you've done ... win or lose.)
In summation:
I appreciate those UMPS
that give it 110%, because I've seen plenty that gave 75%, but the bottom
line is ... I'd rather pay someone to give me 50% effort and be impartial,
blown calls and all, than have volunteer UMPS!
UMPS that are in it
(partly) because they truely love the game ... usually make pretty good
UMPS!!!
John T.
The Typical Softball Umpire